


Doomed from the Start

by Peeps



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII (Video Game 1997)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:40:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24421429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peeps/pseuds/Peeps
Summary: Cloud's first date with Cid doesn't stand a chance thanks to some well-meant but inappropriate advice from a friend.
Relationships: Cid Highwind & Cloud Strife
Kudos: 3





	Doomed from the Start

Cid Highwind was a man of the world. Not only had he been there and done that, he’d practically discovered and named it. Nothing fazed him whether it was the nastiest of mako-mutated beasties or the sharp side of Tifa’s tongue. Still, he almost choked on his tea when Cloud Strife, saviour of the planet and all-round oddball – in Cid’s humble opinion, of course – asked him out on, of all things, a date. Thankfully not at Seventh Heaven, but a bar on the other side of Edge, where the two of them could relax and enjoy themselves and forget about the world at large.

Much to his surprise, it was all going very well. The beer was good and the company wasn’t all that bad, until Cloud reached into his pocket and pulled out a chocobo keychain.

“Here,” he said, reaching across the table and dropping it in front of Cid. “I got you this”

“Uh, thanks.” Cid’s reply was tinged with mild confusion.

“Wait,” holding up one finger, Cloud returned his hand to his pocket, this time producing a small, partly melted, foil covered chocolate. “This too. Oh! And this.”

A rubber ball rolled across the tabletop. Cid watched its progress, waiting until it went over the edge to look up at Cloud. He scratched his head, sighed and wished for a cigarette.

“You’re not all there in the head, are you son?”

Mortification flashed on Cloud’s face and his cheeks burned a furious red. Cursing his lack of tact, Cid tried again.

“Hold on, that’s not what I meant. It’s just, well,” he sniffed and eyed the keychain. “What the fuck is this?”

“I wasn’t sure of how to approach this and Nanaki suggested that a few small tokens of my affection might get the message over.”

“You asked a dog for dating advice?”

“He’s not a dog!”

“Fine. You asked a fucking cat for dating advice?” With growing horror, Cid saw Cloud reach into another pocket. “Boy, if you even think about giving me a dead mouse…”

A large, black, rubber rat plopped onto the table.

“He said that mice are choking hazards.”

Both men looked at the rat, although in Cloud’s case, it was more of an accusatory glare. For once, Cid thought before he spoke. Running through a list of various responses in his mind, he carefully selected the one that best fitted the situation.

“Have you ever actually been on a date?”

“I uh, well there was that time at Gold Saucer with Aerith.”

“Lemme rephrase that; have you ever been on a _date_?”

Blushing harder, Cloud shook his head and looked down at his lap.

“No.”

“Kid, I’ve gotta be honest with you. You and me? It ain’t gonna work. You’re a fruitcake and I prefer apple pies. You get what I’m saying?”

“I think so…?”

“Good,” Cid looked at Cloud’s disappointed expression; even his heart wasn’t made of stone. “Look kid, if it makes you feel better, you can suck my dick.”

**Author's Note:**

> Written a long time ago and originally published elsewhere. It made me laugh at the time.


End file.
